Fourth Year

I am in fourth year ! I cant believe it.
It seems like I just got to Sabah and started first year yesterday.
Time really eludes us, one moment you are here, the next you are there.

I just completed my industrial training with Shell, and I literally watched my dream swooshed pass me. I failed the Shell assessment, therefore I lost the chance to get my dream job..I let my dad who invested a lot in my internship down.. I failed my mum who wishes me well everyday. The idea I carved into my head was : if I can get a job before I graduate, I would have proven to myself that I am capable of anything, and at the same time make my family proud, because deep down, I know that there is not much about me to be proud of at the moment. My biggest chance to prove my worth to myself and all around me is gone for now.

I am, however, proud of the way I handled myself in Miri. I know my limits, my capacity and my weaknesses now. I know the areas I have to work on if I am to make it in this brutal world. I also know that if you throw me anywhere with RM 500, I can start a new life there and survive for three months. The thing that I am most proud of is there was a problem, and i handled it! I did not take the challenge sitting down. I gave it my all, although my all wasn’t good enough. Yes, I took care of my business like a full blown man.

It has been 3 weeks since I got back to Sabah, and I am ready to move on. Obeying my three weeks rule, it is time to let go of my grieve and start over.

(the three weeks rule : I must get over any bumps and disappointments in three weeks. The three weeks is a period of grievance and problem solving. The scope of ‘bumps and disappointments’ covers love, work, self esteem, humiliation, friendship, etc etc. After the three week period, the problem should have been handled by me via compromise or direct approach and is not to be spoken of ever again.)

Although the period of grievance is up, I can never truly let go of this ‘bump’. I have done alot of grieving, but none of problem solving. The questions of my self worth keeps bothering me. I keep telling myself that it is really hard to get into Shell, and tried replaying in my head how things could have been done during my internship. Oh well oh well its time to let go.

It’s no use crying over spilt milk- ancient proverb

It’s no use crying over spilt dirty bong water- Ray

It’s no use crying over spilt tea- General Iro, Avatar : The Last Air Bender

Letting go.

Peace people.